Get Serious
Like many folks in their early 20s, I felt adrift after college. I had naively applied to just a few highly competitive PhD Clinical Psychology programs and (shocker) didn’t get in. I didn't know what to do myself.
Some guys I knew from back home stayed with me while on tour with their electropop band called Euromotion. Their schtick was that they were time travelers from the distant future. In this future, in the part of the world formally known as Europe at least, dance has brought people to a higher level of consciousness. The dance hall became the church. Euromotion pumped up parties across the space-time continuum like proselytizing prophets of dance. They donned spandex and vaguely German accents and approached the satire with total sincerity.
If there’s something that you want but you just can’t find the name, we will bring it to your heart in the form of Euromotion. Every person is born with a deep wanting inside of them, they try to fill the black hole with something that they can feel: with lovers, drugs, or greasy fatty foods. Only we know the difference between fantasy and what is real. You need to get serious, serious, on the dance floor. Serious, serious. You need to get serious. Serious, Serious. – Euromotion, Get Serious
I found a kernel of truth in the lyrics of this joke band. The words resonated deeply. I identified with the longing for something I was struggling to articulate. Something in me recognized the wisdom in the power of dance to help me tap into my intuition and give voice to my longings. I knew what I needed to do: get serious, serious on the dance floor. Fortuitously, these guys offered me a cheap room in their house so I crammed all of my belongings in my 1992 Toyota Camry and moved to Portland, Oregon.
I had been a sensitive, anxious child. My temperament was not well suited for the cramped, volatile chaos of my home environment. I do not fondly recall the salad days of my youth. Frankly, I don’t recall much. I dissociated and disconnected from my body to survive. School was always a welcome respite and I learned to perform perfectionism in my academic pursuits to get a sense of control. The coping strategies of my youth allowed me to graduate summa cum laude from college but left me unsure of who I was without the external validation of good grades. I didn’t know who I was, what I wanted, and was wound up like a spring.
Shortly after arriving in Portland I found myself walking down MLK Boulevard with my new roommates. An unmarked door to an underground venue opened, the sound of the bass grew louder and dozens half-clothed hipsters tumbled out, all drenched with sweat from the packed dance floor. At this moment, I knew I was in the right place. As I spun and shimmied in the club, I began to slowly unwind. I found my first taste of true freedom and embodiment on the dance floor. I experimented with my identity and found myself while finding the beat. I began to shake loose the coping strategies of my youth while shaking my ass.
In my 30s I found conscious dance, namely 5Rhythms, which complemented my ongoing work in psychotherapy and helped me cope with burnout as I built my career. In my 40s I found partner dancing which has been an incredible catalyst for improved interpersonal relationships and creating community. I have used dance as a tool for personal development throughout my adult life. Movement has given me direction. It both shows me where I need to do personal work and provides an avenue to do so.
While I think dance is particularly well suited for facilitating personal growth, any hobby done with intention can serve the same purpose. When looking for a hobby to fill this role in your life consider the following factors:
Stretch–Move toward what interests you, especially if it seems hard or makes you feel a bit uncomfy. People I know give credit to rock climbing, mountaineering, or hopping trains for helping them overcome childhood trauma or serious mental health conditions. While you don’t need to risk your life, stretching your comfort zone is an essential ingredient in allowing a hobby to transform your life.
Find your flow–Flow is a Positive Psychology concept introduced by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. Flow states are characterized by complete absorption; you may lose track of time or time as a concept may disappear from your consciousness completely. Negative self talk or self consciousness is reduced. The activity is neither too hard nor too easy and is intrinsically rewarding, i.e. it feels enjoyable regardless of the outcome.
Create community– Even if your hobby can be done solo, e.g. reading, knitting, painting, etc., consider how to connect with other people around your hobby. Join a book club or a stitch n’ bitch knitting group, or collaborate with other artists. We are an increasingly isolated society and community both improves quality of life immensely and creates conditions for personal growth through inevitable interpersonal friction.
Enhance embodiment–The practice of embodiment–that is, of being aware of and connected to one's own body in the present moment–has enormous socioemotional benefits. Noticing in our bodily sensations enhances emotional regulation, builds self awareness, deepens our experience, and improves our ability to respond empathetically to others. If your day job requires that you lean heavily on your intellect and stay in your head, I would highly encourage you to find a hobby that brings your awareness into your body.
Once you find a hobby or identify one that already exists in your life, consistently take time to reflect and make meaning. I got serious on the dance floor but you can get serious about pottery or gardening or cooking or writing. There are myriad lessons to be learned in any hobby that can be applied to our broader lives. Ask yourself:
What habits or patterns of thinking show up while doing this hobby that show up elsewhere in my life?
What intra- or interpersonal dynamics are arising that feel familiar?
How do my activities within this hobby align with my values?
Where are my growing edges and how am I responding to them?
What do I find delightful about my hobby and are there ways to bring more of those qualities into my worklife?
Even if you prefer a different hobby to dance, I would encourage you to get serious on the dance floor once in a while. Perhaps it will help you identify something that you want but you just can’t find the name. Perhaps it will bring you to a higher level of consciousness. Perhaps it will just be fun, and fun in itself is a worthy endeavor. In the words of Euromotion, “Focus your mind. Work your body. Let the pumping of the base take control. Pump your pelvis. Shake your bum.”