IS THIS IT?
[Cue The Strokes 2001 hit, “Is This It?”]
Maybe you had high hopes as an adolescent for what you wanted to do with your life and for the world. Maybe you put your head down to the grindstone, did everything “right,” and achieved your goals. Maybe one day, however, you put your head up, looked around and thought, “Is this it?”
Burnout disconnects us from our spark, enthusiasm, meaning, and purpose. We feel impotent, unable to do anything truly meaningful due to overwhelm, overwork, or structural barriers. Long work hours or simply emotional/physical/spiritual exhaustion extend into our personal lives depriving us of the time or energy to engage in meaningful leisure activities. The helplessness and hopelessness of burnout can make what might have at one point felt meaningful seem pointless.
So how do we reconnect with our meaning and purpose? Well, let's start by defining what we mean by “meaning” and “purpose.”
Meaning is the reason WHY we do what we do. Meaning answers the question, “What is the point of this whole thing?” The things people identify as giving their life meaning are often broad concepts. Many people, for example, may cite love, relationships with others, or a higher power as what gives their life meaning. Meaning making is a cognitive process which allows us to make sense of our lives. Whether you believe a higher power gives your life meaning or you create meaning by identifying your deepest values, meaning gives us a sense of a coherent narrative as we look back on our life.
Purpose is defined by the ACTIVITIES that anchor our lives. A sense of purpose gives us a reason to get up in the morning. It’s possible to think that life is meaningless and still have a sense of purpose, e.g. a nihilist may feel their purpose is to be of service and thus spends their life helping people. Similarly, it’s possible to think that life has meaning but to have lost one's sense of purpose. Examples of purpose include being a supportive loved one or community member, fighting for social justice or an environmental cause, contributing to a body of scientific research, or expressing yourself through creative endeavors.
After some consideration you may be thinking, “Ok, well yeah, my meaning in life is to love the people I care about.. But is this it?” You may judge your meaning as banal or trite. Well, congratulations, you’re human and your humanity is showing. The reasons people give for what gives their life meaning tend to be very similar across people and cultures.
But perhaps you’re still not sure about the validity of what gives your life purpose. You might be thinking, “Ok, well the only activity that anchors my life is feeding my cat. Is this it?” Sure, why not? While what gives people’s lives meaning is often pretty similar across the board, a person’s purpose is often much more specific and personal. We don’t say, “The purpose in life is to…” We say, “My purpose in life is to…” Being a Cat Daddy is a good enough purpose.
PSA: It’s ok for your quote–meaning and purpose–unquote to seem a little mundane or trivial.
Be mindful of the judgement your own mind makes about what your meaning and purpose should be. These judgments are often shaped from our family of origin and culture. As I became an adult, I had to let go of the adolescent fantasy of specialness or uniqueness. We may have at one time imagined ourselves doing things of great importance, perhaps gaining notoriety and influence. We must give ourselves permission to be very normal adults that simply work for a paycheck or are still just figuring our shit out. The idea that you have to somehow rise above the crowd seems to be a product of our individualist culture.
The idea that our meaning and purpose should come from our work–which comes up all over TV and movies, in school, and in conversations with our family and friends–is a capitalist fairytale. Just as we’ve been indoctrinated by Disney to believe that a prince should arrive to rescue us, we’ve been indoctrinated by our capitalist society to believe that our work is what gives our lives meaning and purpose. It’s great if your job gives your life meaning and purpose, but it is not a necessity.
Still unsure of what gives your life purpose? Consider journaling or sitting in quiet contemplation on the following questions:
What activities, even for a short period of time, give you a sense of relief or feel so engaging that everything else seems a little less important?
What activities make you feel better about yourself?
What activities are challenging but do not lead to feelings of shame and disappointment?
Which activities give you the sense of flow, where you are so immersed that you may lose track of time effortlessly moving from one action to the next?
Which activities allow what is inside your mind or heart to be known by others?